Losing weight naturally has always been my goal. I don’t want to do on a diet and see saw nor do I want to take some pills to lose weight. Something I heard several times while I trying to get help losing weight, “80% food and 20% exercise” I would mostly agree with that statement but I think its lacks the other parts that will need attention. But for this blog I want to talk about just how important diet change is.

When I talk about eating healthy with people they tell me that they just don’t like “kale” – “spinach” – “squash” (insert health food here) and at one point in my life I felt the same way. I ate McDonalds at least 3 times a week and often ate prepared food. Not only did I eat at fast food places but I also bought the equivalent to it home. I used to eat boxes of Macaroni and Cheese, Hamburger Helper, and frozen foods. What I didn’t realize when I first began this path was what delicious experiences I was missing. I had no idea how really delicious wholesome healthy food left me feeling so satisfied, energetic, and healthy. When I would learn about changing my diet I also had a similar experience about not liking dark greens, beans, and many other health foods.

I was assured that my pallet would change and I often challenged the idea. I began to eliminate sugary treats, soda, and fast food. As I began to build a lifestyle of fresh from scratch food rather than fast food I began to lose weight. Quickly the pounds shaved off of me and I felt a huge shift in my heatlh. After some time I found that my pallet did change and then I was totally on the bandwagon. I began to pay attention to how food felt in my mouth, one bite at a time. Another habit I had was eating super fast. I took an entire month to make a conscious effort to build in eating habits that instituted slower more conscious chewing and eating. I found that as time passed I would eat healthy for a week or two and would feel so energetically healthy. Of course there were times I would fall off this new lifestyle change but I would just continue to pick myself back up. Then I began to pay attention to how I felt after several days of not so good food and immediately noticed how I lost energy, felt depressed, and instituted a lot of manic behaviors. Slowly I began to eat healthy more and more often.

There was a teetering spot in which I realized that I was punishing myself with food. I was literally abusing my body because I felt I was not deserving of much more out of my life – or simply gave up. If I fell off the wagon and had a piece of cake I would often say well then “screw it” and give up for the rest of the day. Often I would assume that one slip up was a failure, as if I had to be suddenly perfect. I am a master at self criticism. I punished myself for various things that I deemed as bad. Other times I would feel like I wanted to be safe and often our fat is our armor. For me I also didn’t like my body, I wanted it to be more masculine. I am often worried about how femme I will look as I lose weight but thanks to Tristan Skye I can exercise in a way to help me look more masculine. I also had to deal with a lot of my emotional problems in order to hault the sugar addiction and emotional eating & binging. This required me to spend a lot of time soul searching and allowing my spirit to lead me to good places. I had to heal and make space for my emotional self and then also fully engage all parts of my body, mind, and soul in the process.

One issue I struggled with, a common issue with mothers, we just don’t make time for ourselves, there is always something more important. Now I am my first priority, now I put me first. I make time for me. Since my son is now 20 years old and a grown adult the time became more available. Even when he was younger and I first realized I needed my own personal space I began to make time. But as he grew up there was more and more time for me I had no idea what I would even want to do with that time. As things progressed and I explored all sorts of activities to do alone I began to find my groove. Many things emerged including yoga, buddhism, community participation, connections to nature, permaculture, spirituality, dance and theater. I found that soon after I began to explore these interests of mine I was so immersed in them that I naturally healed my wounds and found all of these things fed me. It gave me the good feelings. Suddenly I needed to feed that empty feeling inside with food less and less often. Time passed and the weight began to melt off of me.

As I became the incredible shrinking person I found that there was a real person underneath all that padding and there were parts I had forgotten. I had buried them under years of overeating and laziness. Now as I head towards the light at the end of the tunnel I am constantly amazed at my own abilities, strengths, connections, and community. I emerge as a complete strong confident boi/womyn with a kind loving heart, just like I always knew inside I was meant to be. If you find yourself in this same type of struggles, reach out. I want to help you, don’t let anything stop you. If you have experienced the same struggles I want to hear your story. Share it with me?