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Divine Authenticity?!

As a gender variant person, a gender non-conforming person, a person that doesn’t identify with either side of the gender binary I have found that authenticity is at my center. When a person like me is faced with such a huge opposition to societial norms we are forced to face our own authenticity. When we don’t we find ourselves depressed, mentally ill, and overall disconnected from ourselves and the world. Many of us will try to fill those roles expected of us as whatever we were assigned at birth but for most of us, that means ignoring or giving up a big part of ourselves. As we come out of the closet and learn to embrace this authentic gender expression we are faced with personal shame, societal rejection, invisibility, and an overall feeling of being an outcast. We search for others like us… and in our tribe we discover there is an entire authentic person beneath that gender-nonconforming expression. Yes, we are gender-nonconforming but we are so much more as well.

I personally still struggle with staying authentic and have found all sorts of things that keep us away from our authenticity. All that is expected of us as children and projected on us from our parents is usually the first layer to be removed. Many of us naturally do this in puberty and young adulthood. Then as we mature we learn there is more to us than the role we play, that if we work to stay within our role we will actually deny ourselves that. As a mother and wife I found myself lacking expression of my divine masculine and found that when I began to explore it, just that act of masculine explorations was enough to push me to change my personal expressions. I soon divorced my husband and thought that by being with a woman it would be easier to express my divine masculine. Although I actually learned that my divine masculine was not just wrapped around my romantic and sexual desires and instead it included even more. Exploring the concepts of gender where not just simply romantic and sexual, nature shows us they actually include much more than that. As I personally began to unfold my own beliefs and concepts around gender I was faced with a deeper understanding of the human race as a whole.

In my exploration I discovered authenticity, I happened upon it in my unraveling and in my awakening. At first I thought, “Hollis you are very different than other people, a different perspective and a different way of being. You are an outcast.” This was no different than how I felt when I played gender roles, how could this be? No, I didn’t play gender roles and instead tried to express myself as real as possible. I began setting boundaries, speaking my truth, and dressing how it suited me that day. People had to leave my life because my boundaries or truth speaking was just ‘too much’ for them. I began to listen to other people’s boundaries and even helping them set them when they didn’t understand why they were so upset.  In that support for other people’s boundaries, I began to understand authenticity even deeper. Some people that we think are authentic or ‘being themselves’ are often acting out of an insecurity wound, therefore still not authentic. In helping others define, speak and find their boundaries and truth I found that my own personal insecurity wound began to unravel, because now I had an understanding that almost everyone struggles with authenticity in our culture. Most cultures do not support an authentic expression, they may say they do but we all know that when we challenge the status quo we are faced with rejection, distrust, and even possibly endanger ourselves and those around us. Many cultures, certainly American, deeply suffer from narcissism and codependency – (mentally illnesses that depend on each other to exist) which keeps us all from our authentic path.

When we are on our authentic path we know it because we call it ‘bliss’. In the Fire Circle community after 3 nights of all-night fires people can finally feel free to be ‘themselves’ and in this expression, they call it ‘bliss’. Its when we feel loved for who we are, not what role we play. In every authentic expression I have ever met there is a deep need for authentic connection, a need to be respected and loved for who you are, naturally.  Authenticity is completely unique for each and every one of else and in that, we are a rainbow of people.

In my book Divine Androgyne – A Sacred Path for Gender Variant People I help detail out steps to unravel what keeps you from your most authentic self. Everything from childhood trauma, gender roles, peer pressure, and a lack of our connection to nature and divinity can keep us from our authentic self. Many of us learn, especially in the Fire Circle, spiritual & psychic community, and pagan community, that in our authentic selves we can be celebrated more deeply. We can feel more accepted, seen and loved in communities with authentic leaders that also work to express authentically. Authenticity is when we take time to connect with the divine to understand all our parts, even our shadows. When we learn to embrace our shadows, know our quirks, and share our light we find a deep fulfillment deep inside. We are all created completely unique and each one of us has a unique experience of life, we are all spiritual beings with unique gifts to share with the world. We all have connections to the ‘other side’ and ‘divinity’ and are capable of helping others in our communities.

When a leader in a group is insecure and acts on that insecurity we find things like narcissism and sociopathy. The divine has gifted us the experience of awakening to these sick ways. The old leadership styles that include things like control and dominance, lead to those around these old leaders to act on THEIR insecurity in ways we call ‘co-dependance’. Some of us play one role more than the other, while some of us work to bow out of this game. These groups can evolve into cults and have formed our culture for years, now Americans are known narcissists. We even talk about how we have entire generations of narcissists. Today many people are awakening to these old ways of leadership and finally stepping forward to call people out on them. The #MeTOO movement, the unraveling of long-time cults, the dwindling popularity of being part of those groups, the gender and sexuality revolution, and the general mental health unraveling is becoming more evident every day. This is our evolution, humans are finally saying ENOUGH! We will evolve away from these old ways of being. As we shed our codependent and narcissistic ways we will begin to step into true authenticity and the communities able to embrace said authenticity will rise from their grassroots!

We can know a truly authentic person when some very important vibrations are present such as vulnerability, can the person show their most vulnerable state? Have you sensed that this person is sharing something or doing something that creates vulnerability for them? Vulnerability is different for most of us. Have you witnessed a true and deep apology, that’s a good way to know if someone can be vulnerable. We all have different boundaries and needs, a gender variant person might find themselves having to ask people for gender pronouns that are appropriate and in this act, we ‘out ourselves’ as transgender and can receive a target upon that act. We know it, too, that’s why we don’t always ask. Not just a target of crazy violent people but also those that refuse our gender pronouns, that say its too much for them or that we are just creating trouble in asking for this pronoun thing. Although there is also great reward in the opening to vulnerability, when we do ask we are likely to find allies that are willing to stand up for us. When we share the risk of being transgender with our allies we can find connection and support, the ultimate in life rewards. We find our boundaries and begin to draw them, even just one at a time is better than ignoring that upset feeling in your gut when someone calls you by the wrong pronoun. Most of us have different boundaries like about giving gratitude, who wants to keep giving to someone that never says Thank you or recognizes our gifts? We all have boundaries and when we are brave enough to define them we will find ourselves even more confident than before when we were hiding our vulnerability and ‘not saying anything’ or ‘being nice’ about boundary-crossing. SPEAK UP, we NEED YOU TO SPEAK UP! When we act from our own integrity, when we respond to emotions rather than react we find that our response is more in line with our true authentic self. We have all reacted to something and regretted it later, yet on the other emotionally triggering moments we have been able to process the emotion, realize the impact of our reaction and then craft a more aligned response. When we respond to emotional situations we can find that we are acting in our most authentic of integrity. When we hold our integrity as real, necessary and as our personal guide we feel more secure, confident and authentic. In that walk we are authentic and when we can walk this way in the world our lives will speak our authentic messages. Each of us have authentic messages for the world.

We each have our own experience and journey ahead of us and the divine intended for each one of us to walk an authentic path that will not only inspire others but manifest things that will heal the world at large. You will know when you are expressing authentically because you feel like an authentic magickal creature spreading their wings with a deep sense of security, depth, and confidence. Go where people will celebrate your authenticity and more of you will unfold for the world, and suddenly you will begin to feel like the wealthiest person alive and your bank account will have little to do with it. You will know because you will feel secure, you will feel loved, and you will feel free. We must offer our light to the world, humanity is relying on it, nature is relying on it, the planet earth needs us NOW. Find your authentic path and walk it with confidence & strength, just because it’s authentic doesn’t mean its easy. Only YOU know your most authentic self, show us so we can celebrate YOUR part of the rainbow!

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Spirituality for Gender Non-Conforming People?

By Hollis Taylor

When I first began on my path of gender-bending, drag, and general queerness I consistently would feel that connections lacked depth. I was desiring something much deeper than how to apply a beard with spirit gum, walk like a man, or find a supportive community. It was great that we could connect into safe communities yet I was still seeking something deeper. I found myself reading articles about how ancient and indigenous cultures treated their gender-variant people as shamans or spiritual guides! I often found myself wondering how my friends in the queer community felt about spirituality. When I asked them I was disappointed by what I heard. Some would take the time to explain that most religions see us as evil, that by bending gender we are essentially ‘the evil ones’. Some of my friends even celebrated their desire to ‘corrupt’ and would make tons of jokes about it. Then I began to distinguish the difference between religions and spirituality and some queer friends got it right away.

I would find myself in sad conversations with other spiritual gender variant people. It would turn out that a lot of us felt like we had no place in the world, much less no right to claim any spiritual path. When I spent time in prayer about this I found that my call to spirituality was for a very important reason. No, I didn’t need to get on hormones to change how my body appeared and nor did I need surgery. NO, I needed to write a book! I resisted and self-sabotaged for years and eventually with a community to support me I was able to finally produce a book that would hopefully empower gender-variant people to explore their spiritual path. The book, Divine Androgyne: A Sacred Path for Gender Variant People, outlines the steps that can be taken over time to help us get in touch with our authentic path. That was my first step and now as I pray more I get that I must do more to bring us all together, now.

There is a spiritual meaning to all gender variant people that have lived and will live. It is likely much deeper than I have come to understand over time. In my lifetime I have constantly noticed gender variant people in my world and I have been called to them like someone gets called to the mountains. Ok, so I was called to the mountains, too! (Giggles) Some of us don’t really understand why we are called to this identity, we just know its deep down inside like a bubble that must come up! The reason is many-sided I am sure but the reason I have come to understand is that the future of all humanity depends on the abandonment of gender roles. We must abandon gender roles because it hurts everyone! It forces us into a box we don’t necessarily need to be in and in that we are revolutionaries. We are here to change how humanity interacts in the world. Its a necessary evolution for the human race. I am sure there are other deep reasons for our existence and I would love to hear them! I know for me this means that regardless of what religion has ever done to any of us or our ancestors, that today we are all meant to develop our own relationship with the divine. Authentically and completely ours as we see it, know it deeply to be real and meaningful, and to follow that as our guide. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if we all came together as a group and validated each other, supported each other, and listened and learned from each other? As a group of authentic beings to spiritually support each others growth and yes we likely will influence each other. I think we are supposed to influence each other, yet right now it comes out as control and submission. Eventually, we will evolve away from that dynamic into a more harmonious connection. I believe gender variant people are here to walk that path, to carve it out of our future. Why gender variant people? Simple. Many of us are truly connected to our most authentic selves, and in that its harder to control us. The more you walk authentically the less likely you are to tolerate or allow manipulative control tactics, even the subtle ones. Then what happens is that forces the controller to re-evaluate their own behaviors, therefore becoming more authentic. When you’re authentic you become aware of what really resonates with you and what doesn’t. Even if something doesn’t resonate with you, its easy to shrug it off as ‘not for me’ and move on. So YES we can influence each other and YES in a healthy intentional way!

As I walk my own path I am sometimes overwhelmed, sometimes I trip and fall, sometimes I even step off, sometimes I celebrate and dance, giggle and laugh. Sometimes I cry and scream and sometimes I whimper in pain. Other days I smile and breathe in peace, some days I even breathe OUT peace. All the while I feel held by something bigger than myself, something larger than life, larger than the universe itself. The divine to me is all energies together and none of them singularly. To me, the divine embodies all I need in the world. When I connect to the divine, I get clearly what I am to do next. When it turns out a mistake, I ask for the lesson I needed to learn and inevitably I find it. Simply because we are all divine, we are all connected to a whole that is divine and in that we all deeply know exactly what is good for us. When I ask the divine, ok the book is out there, now what? Promote it & create retreats for your readers! A safe place for them to be them – and explore their spirituality in depth. Of course, I resist with “Who me?” and “Why me?” and I am reminded that there is no choice I must just keep moving forward.

When I do dive deep with another gender variant person I am often moved to tears of joy and release. It’s like something overcomes me when I connect with a gender variant person and I want to see them grow, succeed and bloom. I suppose that’s for all people I meet, regardless, I find deep satisfaction to hold the hand of a person looking to walk their most authentic path. It’s as honorable as holding the hand of a person on their death bed!

I want to dive deeper with other gender variant people and support each other on a deeply authentic and spiritual path. There is a strong chance that I might do a retreat, Costa Rica 2020 – specifically for Gender Variant or Questioning people. It feels scary, maybe more scary than sharing my personal story in my book yet I still feel pushed at it. Creating safe space to express authentically, creating a ceremony to help us truly integrate our own authentic spiritual path, and creating lifelong bonds with each other as a community of gender-variant people.

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Ewww! Vegetables! They just don’t taste good!

By Hollis Taylor


That was my response when I learned I wasn’t eating enough vegetables. Then of course I learned to smother them, overcook them and add tons of calories to them. Later, I had to change my ways and my pallet. How could I ever enjoy vegetables? I needed and wanted to be healthier but I just couldn’t see how vegetables could be part of that. I had to learn to love vegetables, it seemed like an unpleasant impossible task.

Many of us grew up hating vegetables for a variety of reasons but one of the most common reasons is the way they are prepared. Also I notice many people cannot stand vegetables unless they are smothered in sauce, dressing, or cheese. Then of course there are some of us that only eat tomatoes and potatoes! Many of us rarely eat raw and many of us are not buying bags of vegetables in the frozen food isles. Frozen dinners and prepared foods way over rank bags of vegetables in sales. Vegetables have left the American diets. Most of us are removed from how they are grown, just how important they are or how to prepare them.

I personally struggled with vegetables. I had only been introduced to the basic ones and of course they were usually smothered in something that wasn’t too healthy for me. Stuff like broccoli or spinach with tons of cheese and of course there is corn. First of all I had to learn what vegetables tasted like, without anything. Some of them have more taste than others but when you are reprogramming your pallet it is ideal to taste them raw and/or cooked with nothing on them. I did a daily exercise for a while that I would try a naked vegetable each day. I chewed it up slowly and paid attention to the taste. I found that I do love spinach and broccoli but was content without all the tons of calories of cheese and sauces. I learned I liked both steamed or raw. I also learned I enjoyed many types of greens and found many healthy ways to prepare them. Then there was corn which I had no idea just how messed up corn had gotten. I found out that most of it is pure sugar and all of it is mostly GMO. I have never been comfortable with chemically grown or lab prepared food, I just don’t trust scientists to cover all their bases. I learned a lot of about corn from a great documentary called King Corn. Today, corn is rarely in my diet.

The other thing about vegetables is that canned vegetables are not only kind of gross but they are also the most unhealthy.  If you base your taste buds on canned vegetables you are likely to find yourself drowning them in sauces or something else to add tons of calories. Astonishingly I was disgusted at the level of vitamins you lose in the process of canning. It just seems to me that they are mushy and full of preservatives. Canned vegetables are a terrible source for vegetables. First of all I feel like if I am going to eat more vegetables they better be so delicious I can barely resist and they better pack a major nutritional punch. I found the best way to get high quality vegetables is to buy fresh organic vegetables or frozen. Either way you get high quality, crisp vegetables that can be prepared a variety of healthy ways.

Of course most of us have no issues managing frozen vegetables and often its the easiest alternative to fresh. I found the bigger challenge to be with fresh vegetables. My first hurdle was affording them. I found a local CSA, community supported agriculture, and at the time I had very little money so I simply offered to work for my share. After a few years and a slightly improved financial situation I was able to afford to pay for it and it was still cheaper than the grocery store. The best part about a CSA is that its a community and they are more than willing to share how to prepare vegetables among other things. There are tons of benefits of being a member of a CSA and anyone should seriously consider it. I was challenged each week to not only use the vegetables but often learn to prepare vegetables I had never seen before. It was a culinary adventure that ended up being priceless.

The other way to be sure you have a great variety of fresh vegetables is to grow your own. I had a small urban garden for many years and I was very happy with its production. I am a 100% organic gardener. I am a passionate gardener and compost, use companion planting, and froze or gave away my excess. I often would batch cook after a large harvest which would usually lead to freezing food for later. This of course is talked about in my article Time vs. Healthy. I could also easily throw a handful of tomatoes in the food processor to just chop them up a little and then freeze them.  I loved the cycles of growing my own food. When you know what to do with tons of vegetables its easy to see how much money you can save by having a simple urban garden. Also a little known fact is that once you pick a vegetable from its plant it begins to slowly lose its nutrient value. Imagine the vitamin impact you get when you eat a vegetable that was just picked off the plant an hour prior. Of course there are other benefits of having your own garden and cooking out of it. I also used gardening as another high quality time builder with my son and today at age 22 he thanks me for all I taught him about growing food. He plans to now teach his children. I also used it as meditation, destresser, exercise, and a way to make friends. The benefits from keeping a garden are often too many to list or count. I am grateful for all my years with a garden.

I learned so much about preparing vegetables. I learned that boiling vegetables takes the nutrients into the water which is why vegetable broth has some nutrient value. I learned that steaming them is a way to cook them but also leave the nutrients mostly in tact. Although a quick fry of spinach in the frying pan with a bit of oil, garlic, or other spices you can easily add it to hot pizza or pasta adding nutrients to a quick meal. I also discovered that hummus and vegetables are super healthy and filling. When I make pasta I cut the amount of pasta in half and instead replace it with things like Broccoli and cauliflower, then I had the red sauce. This ends up being mostly vegetables with a little pasta mixed in. Flipping meals from heavy starches and proteins to heavy vegetables and lean proteins was a shift that seemed so simple but ended up being very effective.

I learned so much in my exploration with food and most importantly today I notice if I don’t eat vegetables, my body craves them. The first time this happened I was very suprised. I had never craved a vegetable before, only sugary treats. I maybe had craved a potato before but really that is all about sugar again. I was actually craving broccoli. I was suprised when I found myself just craving plain old, nothing on it uncooked broccoli. This was one of those moments during my transitions that I realized that all the work I was doing to get healthier was working. This was more promising than losing 10 lbs. From a long term perspective if I could enjoy and even crave health food I would be on my way to some big changes. This pushed me further and today I find myself craving lots of vegetables, fruits, nuts, whole grains and vegetarian proteins. Now I notice if I haven’t eaten enough of something or too much sugars. I can tell by my cravings, energy levels and mood. I am grateful to recieve healthy signals from my body about what to eat, instead of the old ones that lead me to unhealthy places.

Food Healthy Holistic Inspired Permanent Change Transitions

Sugar is as addictive as Cocaine!

When someone suggested to me a few years ago that sugar could possibly be addictive, I felt the strong desire to explore the theory. There wasn’t as much public information about it at that time but when I read a medical journal discussing the effects of sugar on the brain I was convinced this was my problem. So the first step is admitting there is a problem. Figuring out how to manage in a world full of sugar and other addictive substances was a completely other ball game.

I began to eliminate sugar from my diet. “High Fructose Corn Syrup” was the first to go and I certainly noticed the withdraw symptoms, by no means was it easy. I had a headache, was fatigued, and lacked focus for at least 4-5 days. As time went on I was able to mostly eliminate it by baking my own treats or buying organic products with cane sugar. Once I was off of it I would occasionally revisit it and was immediately disgusted by the physical reaction to the substance. Not only did I feel like crap but I craved more of it. I found myself craving sugary products and becoming compulsive about it at times. I would compulsively eat cake, pies, cookies, ice cream – I would even sneak it so no one knew that I was cheating on my diet or eating THAT much. I would shamefully give in to the cravings, beat myself up about it later and find myself looking for more comfort with food. An ugly cycle I was happy to put a big stop sign in. Now HFCS is completely off the menu and if I do ingest it I am very aware of its addictive properties.

I try to do most of my own baking and cooking, this greatly reduces sugar and salt intakes. You can eliminate sugar in yogurt by simply buying plain yogurt instead of vanilla, instead add honey to the yogurt. You can bake your own bread if you cannot afford to pay for organic varieties. You can make your own salad dressings, ketchup and drinks. I began to learn to make more and more things from scratch. I also got better at freezing whatever I made and finding time to squeeze it into a very full life. It became a priority after a while and I made it non negotiable, as if sugar was a poisonous substance. Sugar acted like poison each time ingested it and certainly hurts the body in so many ways. As scientists learn more and more about the effects of sugar on the body it becomes easier to identify sugar as poison.

I found that honey, agave nectar and cane sugar had less addictive responses. Honey and agave nectar seem to have very little if any addictive responses. Cane sugar has some but its much easier managed than HFCS, for instance. I don’t find cane sugar compulsively irresistible but I know HFCS drives me to compulsive over eating and binging. This discovery took time and forgiveness with myself. I had to eliminate the substances and then reintroduce them slowly. Then I had to pay attention to my responses. I had to forgive myself when I gave into these substances and then reprogram my brain to notice how shitty they made me feel. Each time I would eat them I would pay attention, then note just how sick and ill I felt. I didn’t always feel sick from eating sugar. I didn’t realize just how shitty it made me feel until I eliminated it and fell off the wagon. When I did fall off I would think to myself and usually share with at least one other person just how shitty I felt. I would note what I ate, how much and how I felt a little while later. At first I found food journals to be very helpful with this. Not just writing what you ate but also how you feel, emotional state and stress levels. Food journals are fantastic tools to help you to a better understanding of your habits.

I also noticed that if I am active my addictive responses are less because I greatly reduce my daily stress. If you greatly reduce your stress levels your addictive responses will be less intense. So slowly I trained my brain to think of exercise, doing yoga or taking a walk when my stress levels got too high. There were sometimes that I would reach for food compulsively, more often than I care to admit. I would have to forgive myself and find the silver lining. The silver lining of falling off my wagon? Simple I get a chance to reprogram my brain. I would Notice what I ate, how much, and how it made me feel. Then I would tell my brain that sugar does not feel good and its just fooling me with its addictive traits. It wants to take over my brain, it is poisoning me. The times I have stopped myself from eating a cupcake on a stressful day at work in the break room I often walk away from the cupcake feeling grateful for the work I have done. This gratitude reinforces this marvelous behavior. The trick is to convince yourself that sugar and fast food make you feel sick, soon enough you will get the message.

Addiction is hard and some of us struggle with it more than others. Personally I have been a sugar addict my entire life, I have only recently had it under control. I have also found myself addicted to cigarettes, alcohol, and sex. Regardless of my drug of choice it was always about the same thing, numbing my emotions. Addictions can take over your entire life and create havoc with your health, relationships and work. I have found that addiction is better dealt with emotionally. Meaning, find a way to comfort yourself so that food is low on the list. Prioritize your list of comfort measures, try the healthiest ones first. This conscious choice to pick the healthiest comfort measure before you reach for food is the hardest part – it requires deep passionate intense self love.

Self-love is something I have struggled with a lot in my life. I often struggle with patting myself on the back or compliments because I don’t want to be egotistical. I also don’t want to brag or be in people’s faces. I have greatly improved my self-love but there are days I struggle more than others. Self-love is so important for your holistic health and often I like to start here. This post is NOT about self-love but I include it in this post for one very important reason. Self-love is the KEY to recovery from addictions. No matter how you develop it I strongly recommend that this is your highest priority. I want you to fall in love with yourself, I assure you no arrogance needs to be expressed. Self-love requires reaching inside and harvesting all your talents and skills. Once your self love grows you will find that you will naturally take better care of yourself and that addictions will seem counterproductive.

I have and still do work to keep my addictions from taking over. I harvest my self-love daily in order to create a wall between me and my addictions. I do not completely refrain from sugar, alcohol, or sex but for sure I am aware of my addictive personality and pay attention to my emotions when I find myself reaching for them too much. Its OK to have one slice a cake a week, its an issue when its the whole cake or every day. Its Ok to have one beer, its a problem when your drunk all the time. A healthy balance is what I am looking for because never treating myself to these little pleasures is a form of self abuse. Developing a balanced lifestyle is the key to permanent weight loss. Its a constant effort to adjust my lifestyle to be more holistically balanced but the struggle is what keeps the balance. If you stop struggling to balance you will slip one way or the other. Only YOU can decide what balanced looks like for you and the best way to discover what balanced looks and feels like to you is to simply harvest self-love.

In my exploration of the newest information online regarding sugar and its effect on the body I found this great video. It seems to be part of a series that I plan to check out. Watch this video to better understand how sugar addiction works.

The Skinny on Obesity (Ep. 4)

Food and sugar addictions are not a passing theory, they are reality. It was so refreshing to see this video regarding the hard evidence of food and sugar addiction. I found this video to fully explain the effect sugar has on the brain. The information in this video is accurate, informative and complete. I was impressed with the simple explanation of such a complicated process inside the brain. I have one criticism… the assumption that the results of obesity, sugar and food addiction cannot be reversed. At the end they discuss that there is quite possibly no answer the to the problem. I strongly disagree! I am physical evidence and there are plenty of others just like me. I cannot be convinced that sugar and food addiction are incurable, especially since I have the cure right here! If you struggle with addiction of any kind give me a call and let me help you in your journey!

Toll-free, anywhere in US
1-888-INGENIO, extension 05051094

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Believe you can change your life!

Believe you can change your life!
Hollis Taylor

I opened this site a couple years ago but it hasn’t gone very well. Part of the reason was because I was simply busy working hard to move my life across the country. I had been dreaming of moving to the Boulder, CO area for several years. The other and main reason for the neglect of this site was simple, belief. I didn’t believe that it was time for a variety of reasons, I am very good at coming up with reasons as to why I CANNOT be a holistic life coach. But in the turning of the New Year and now having completed my journey from PA to Colorado I am choosing to believe in my ability to make this work. I believe in my ability to not only help others with the pursuit of holistic health but also to write a daily article about Holistic Health. Certainly I am still transforming, change is the only constant. I have transformed from a fast food eating, lazy, depressed person to a healthy from scratch vegetarian cook, fairly fit hiker and yogini with a lifestyle of gratitude, happiness and hope.

I am constantly paying attention to my own transformations, each time I learn something new about myself. I like to pay attention to what motivates me, what keeps me focused, what inspires me, and what rewards me. I have explored all these in the past 10 years of my pursuit of a healthy lifestyle, part of that healthy lifestyle is for me to share it with the world. I know that true happiness comes when we are helping others and that is my hope. So in the spirit of true happiness I awaken this blog and continue my pursuit as a Holistic Life Coach.

I know what inspires me to do this blog but what transformed the self doubt about my abilities to a belief that I can actually do this? Simple, its my perspective. When I recently found my self on the darker side of life I realized how far I have lead myself. I have been depressed, manic, addicted, and found myself at the bottom of many barrells. Today I can look back and see all I have overcome, holistically and totally. Now I just needed to believe that it was possible that I could also share my wisdom with the world in a way that benefits everyone no matter where they come from. I had to believe that I was capable of helping others. Since I have spent my life as a caregiver in one capacity or another most people would imagine that I would feel empowered. But to help a sick or elderly person to bed is way different than helping YOU change your life. I also questioned my ability to ever move my life from eastern US to a more progressive area like Boulder, CO. Well here I sit just outside Boulder with new opportunities in my lap and a passion to make it all happen.

So when you find yourself questioning your ability to make the changes you need you make, remember some important keys. Always remember that the whole job can look very large but each step is actually very small. I often relate this to climbing a hill, mountain, or rock. Sometimes when I first began to exercise I would find myself standing at the bottom of the hill wondering if I could ever get my out of shape body to the top. I struggled with muscle tiredness and weight induced asthma that makes the climbing very uncomfortable. Some days I had to stop in the middle of the hill and many days I simply made it to the top, one step at a time. I focus on each step, rather than the entire hill. I see the hill and then I simply refocus to the tiny steps. Each step you get closer and closer, don’t give up, no matter what. You can climb, you can overcome, you can do this. Its one simple step at a time.

In each step you get a little closer to the top! You know this is true so why do so many of us struggle with reaching our goals. I think there are many reasons, one of them is belief. Believing is certainly half the battle! When you find yourself reaching for a mountain top you can easily get overwhelmed by the large task at hand. Many of us lack personal belief in our ability to acomplish goals and most of us have a list of excuses. I know I had excuses about my childhood screwing me up so badly that I was doomed for failure. I also believed that being fat and lazy made me happy. I used to think that some of us are simply big people, which is true, but certainly big doesn’t need to mean unhealthy. I also believed that the numbers they gave for what is a healthy weight were wrong. I believed that food was food, why does it matter? I thought vegetarians were crazy. The list goes on and on…I had a very long list of why I was so unhealthy. When that doctor looked me in the eyes and said, “If you don’t do something about your weight you will find yourself diabetic.” I heard her and realized that I had some ideas about things that were obviously mistaken. I was wrong and it was time for me to face my fears and overcome my unhealthy habits. That was 10 years ago.

Over those 10 years I started with small steps. I started with my soda habit. It was a small step but many people start there because it seems so obvious. We all know we shouldn’t be drinking soda every day. We all realize that candy, cakes, and fast food are not good for us. I noticed something as I began to make these little changes. I noticed that we couldn’t expect fast changes. I had to stay patient and persistent, never taking my eyes off the goal. I also found that when life got hard I would reach for those comforting foods. Cake was my favorite! A cake left unattended and a stressful day would certainly lead me to binge on cake with tons of icening. There was nothing healthy about this habit. I simply numbed myself with a sugar buzz and a full belly so that I no longer noticed the stress from the day. I had to find new tools. I struggled for years trying to figure out what worked for destressing and what didn’t. I fell back into food habits repeatedly and still do occasionally 10 years later. I had to understand why this was happening. I searched for the reasons why I struggled so hard with this particularly unhealthy habit. I realized that I have been eating that way for over 30 years….I was taught as a child to eat when I was upset. Child falls down, cries, adult hands them a cookie. We all have seen this and many of us still carry these habits into our adulthood. We cannot change what happened as a child but we can change what happens today. So instead of food I go for a walk in the forest, do yoga, play games, or write. I have a variety of activities that can help me destress. I sometimes still find myself reaching for sugar but interestingly when you don’t eat it all the time, it has a reverse effect on a stressful person’s day. Now if I was to binge on a cake I get heart palpitations, an upset belly and it doesn’t taste nearly as good as it used to. Now it tastes more like cardboard. I have successfully taught my body to react to sugar as it should, it has taken many struggles, many mountains and loads of persistence. Today, if I can barely eat 2 pieces of cake. I cannot drink soda and have no desire for fast food.

Today, life is simple. I want food that tastes good, feels goood and leaves my soul thanking me. I love healthy food and healthy habits simply because I like to feel healthy. Healthy feels good and looks good but I would never say it was easy. Although today staying healthy is easier and easier. Now that I live in a progressive area I have better access to organic and vegetarian food. I also have access to the outdoors, where I like to spend most of my physical exercise. Yoga has enriched my life in a variety of ways including as a destressor tool. Yoga is valuable as a tool to heal yourself. Yoga has filled my life with healing and good health. It started with occasional yoga at home with a video to a daily practice of yoga. Today I have aspirations of sharing the healing nature of yoga with the overweight world.

Now that you see the mountain search in yourself for the belief that you can take one small step at a time towards your goal. What is your goal? What are the steps to get there? What will be your first step towards teaching yourself belief? Belief will keep you stepping all the way to the top! I am here to help you! Let me help you make plans for your goals, let me support your journey up the mountain.