I felt I didn’t fit in, because I didn’t want to get surgery or take hormones. Simply, somewhere deep inside me, told me to never deeply engage with our modern medical culture. I didn’t like taking medications for my ‘mental illness’ – either. I don’t take ibuprofen when I get a headache, I take skullcap, drink water or vinegar or close my eyes and breathe deep. I am attracted to natural cures, alternative medicine, and vibrations. It’s as much who I am as my gender identity.
You will know when you are expressing authentically because you feel like an authentic magickal creature spreading their wings with a deep sense of security, depth, and confidence.
When I first began on my path of gender bending, drag, and general queerness I consistently would feel that connections lacked depth. I was desiring something much deeper than how to apply a beard with spirit gum, walk like a man, or find supportive community. It was great that we could connect into safe communities yet I was still seeking something deeper. I found myself reading articles about how ancient and indigenous cultures treated their gender variant people as shamans or spiritual guides!
I began to eliminate sugar from my diet. “High Fructose Corn Syrup” was the first to go and I certainly noticed the withdraw symptoms, by no means was it easy. I had a headache, was fatigued, and lacked focus for at least 4-5 days. As time went on I was able to mostly eliminate it by baking my own treats or buying organic products with cane sugar. Once I was off of it I would occasionally revisit it and was immediately disgusted by the physical reaction to the substance. Not only did I feel like crap but I craved more of it. I found myself craving sugary products and becoming compulsive about it at times. I would compulsively eat cake, pies, cookies, ice cream – I would even sneak it so no one knew that I was cheating on my diet or eating THAT much. I would shamefully give in to the cravings, beat myself up about it later and find myself looking for more comfort with food. An ugly cycle I was happy to put a big stop sign in. Now HFCS is completely off the menu and if I do ingest it I am very aware of its addictive properties.
So when you find yourself questioning your ability to make the changes you need you make, remember some important keys. Always remember that the whole job can look very large but each step is actually very small. I often relate this to climbing a hill, mountain, or rock. Sometimes when I first began to exercise I would find myself standing at the bottom of the hill wondering if I could ever get my out of shape body to the top. I struggled with muscle tiredness and weight induced asthma that makes the climbing very uncomfortable. Some days I had to stop in the middle of the hill and many days I simply made it to the top, one step at a time. I focus on each step, rather than the entire hill. I see the hill and then I simply refocus to the tiny steps. Each step you get closer and closer, don’t give up, no matter what. You can climb, you can overcome, you can do this. Its one simple step at a time.
Lifestyle change is a permanent change. The name itself implies that it will last since it will be a lifestyle. At anytime we can change our lifestyles in many different ways. Some peoples lives are more work centered while others are more socially centered.
So when they are making not so good choices they often feel the need to tell me why they have recently “fell off the wagon” Often they are surprised at my response. Often its just one simple sentence, “As long as you don’t stay fallen then its no big deal.”
Losing weight naturally has always been my goal. I don’t want to do on a diet and see saw nor do I want to take some pills to lose weight. Something I heard several times while I trying to get help losing weight, “80% food and 20% exercise” I would mostly agree with that statement but I think its lacks …